Drifting in the Liminal Space

Not “here” anymore, not “there” yet 

…but I’m not afraid of storms, for I’m learning how to sail my ship.                                                                                                                                                           –Louisa May Alcott

 

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Living in the in-between. I’ve left Central New York, but I’m not yet in the Czech Republic. I’ve been a week in NYC visiting my daughter, her fiancé, and their happy, bouncy puppy. I’m meeting with my agent, and a couple of editors; checking in before moving away.

So I’m gone, but not exactly. After months of purging, packing, and getting my house ready to sell; training my replacement at the farm; and saying a lot of “goodbyes”; this has a been a week with room in it to think. And that has been great. My daughter and a dear friend have cautioned me not to fill up time in my new place with too many jobs. I have a tendency to do this, I have been told. The Czech visa office will likely have strong opinions on my employment so this may be an easy admonition to follow. But it still may be hard. It turns out that I am one of those people who defines herself by what she does for a living. Writer, farmhand, bookseller. And some of that isn’t true anymore.

I’m not a bookseller. I’ve been one on and off for the better part of thirty-five years. My urge to find just the right book for a customer—especially kids—what will I do with that?

I didn’t have room in my luggage for my Carhartt jacket—my every-day-wear-on-the-farm jacket. It’s more me than any other item of clothing I own. But I’ve left the farm and I’m unlikely to need such a garment living in a big city.  Because after twenty-two years, I’m no longer a farmhand. Then who exactly am I?

I’m still a writer. The deadline I needed to fulfill this week attests to this. The meetings with my agent and editors reinforces that. I have books coming out. Books to support with social media attention. Books to finish. Books to begin.  So yes, still a writer.

I’m not a teacher of English as a foreign language yet. I’ll be a student first. But I’m not one of those yet either. One month of intensive classes and then I’ll be certified. And then I’ll be what? An American who happens to be a writer living and teaching in Prague figuring out the language, the culture, my new city… myself? Sounds about right.

This past week I’ve been trying to stay in this slightly uncomfortable moment and then in the next, and the next. Trying to stay aware and engaged in this threshold time. Not wishing this time away to get to the next thing. I’ve been successful and then not, rolling in, rolling out, a bit like the tides.

I’ll be here. I’ll be there. I’ll be over on social media. I’ll share my confusions and clarities of the new places. I promise some pretty pictures. On this page you can find me. Because this is Ellen Czechs It Out, not Ellen Checks Out.

49 thoughts on “Drifting in the Liminal Space”

  4. “I’m not a bookseller. I’ve been one on and off for the better part of thirty-five years. My urge to find just the right book for a customer—especially kids—what will I do with that?”

    Clearly, you’ll create just the right book for that kid. Very excited for you!

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  6. I will be “Czeching” in with you “Czeching It Out.” And I had that Alcott quote taped to my computer for the longest time while I finished my second novel. Love it.

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  7. Ellen, The world is now your playground! And I know that you “play well with others”… So.. Carry on.. and go make your mark!! ❤️
    (but keep a piece of home in your pocket for whenever you need it) Mad Love to you, every, single day.

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  9. I know that feeling of “I have all this knowledge and expertise and no place to release it.” When people ask “who are you and what do you do?, I frequently say “B.C. (Before Children) (You can say Before Czech 😀) I was a professional counselor, blah blah blah and currently I am blah blah blah.” More information than they expected to hear but too bad. They are part of who you are, tucked away in the ‘Ellen Storage.’
    Not sure I used all those quotation marks appropriately but I am SO looking forward to your blog. It will be like reading one of the books in the Travel Writing section. (See my bookseller knowledge emerging?😆)
    Sending love. Thank you for blogging.

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  13. Thank you for creating a blog so that we can czech it out with you, from afar! Peace and deep breaths for you as you travel new roads.

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  16. Such a brave, bold move to make such a huge change. I’m inspired by you in what I previously considered to be the latter half of my life. I wondered but never asked what led you to move so far away. But I’m looking forward to reading all about it. “Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.” ― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

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    1. A.A. Milne has always been the keeper of the collected wisdom. Thanks for your kind words, Gary. The Czechs will issue me a visa to work. Not being in tech, it would be hard to find another European country to do so. My skills are limited and not in high demand, it seems. But I’ve always wanted to live in Europe so this seems a great way to do so. And Prague is gorgeous! Perhaps my all-time favorite city. So, why not, right? Glad you’ll be staying with me for this adventure, Gary!

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  18. As I’m sure you know, those “in-between” times can be challenging, but also a wonderful time of reflection, strength building, and discovering more of who you are. Wishing you the very best and looking forward to your blog. Thoughts, prayers and love to you. I’ll be Czeching you out!

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  19. Love your title! So “Ellen”! Perhaps in that middle space you will see the Ellen that is not defined as a job or career…but as a very special human being with loads of talents to share…those are the things that can never be taken away! Safe and happy travels! XO

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  20. Ellen, I don’t have a catchy literary quote. I think it was you who told me many (many, many) years ago that I write like I talk. Still not sure what that meant, if it was a good thing, or just an observation. But…I do want to say that part of the really good parts of me, the strong confident parts and the parts of me that gave me confidence in being a better mom that taught me to love being a mom, came from you. The most hardest time in your life actually gave me the wings to take flight, to know who I am. I will forever be grateful in the faith that you had in me and what you taught me, probably without your even knowing you were teaching so many valuable life lessons. Your students are lucky folk and they don’t even know yet, how lucky. I wish we would’ve kept up our relationship better over the last ten years. I know that was my doing – I guess I just didn’t feel “clever” enough to be in your literary world. But I love you still the same and have always loved you.

    I wish you every good thing while you Checz out your new world. You deserve all the amazing things that God has put aside just for Ellen, the teacher, the writer, the FRIEND, the DAUGHTER, the MOM, the MOST GENEROUS WITH HER LIFE EXPERIENCE.

    Good Luck Friend. Oh yeah, BTW…I have tried hard NOT to add prepositions at the end of my sentences any longer. I felt like I was giving up my membership to the “I’m a Midwestern” club each I didn’t say “Where’s it at?” But I think I’ve got it down 😊

    Love you, always.

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  22. Ellen I am a long-ago admirer from Vermont College—Sally Roth—and am excited for you as you sojourn to a new experience. God bless you. Blaze a new trail for yourself and all who follow you❤️

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  23. The Carhartt is packed — ready and waiting for the FarmHer to put it on again. I have never followed a blog before but I will definitely keep Czeching this one. Many blessings for keeping your plate at least 3/4 full, time to take in the smell of the city and time for time. Hugs!

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  24. Adventures are great and this one will be wonderous. Remember to be a tourist in all the places you visit and live. Don’t be too cool to awe at the sites. This social movement to live as a “local” is way overdone. How many people wake up in a European village and think how great it is to have poor plumbing and live in old buildings? The locals there want to be visitors or “locals” here. I hope to find a way to follow you and fill my shiny old passport with pretty new stamps. Do not to forget the best part of every journey is coming home. Love, JHY

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  26. Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.-Dark Choc Dove Bar. The good and bad of that is usually poor cell coverage….JHY

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